


this poison in my veins

by woodsbane



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Magnus saves him, Minor Violence, Set after 1x13, Shadowhunters Big Bang, alec gets hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 02:35:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7341181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodsbane/pseuds/woodsbane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Magnus is begins to leave, Alec remembers what Magnus had said earlier. “Magnus, wait-” Magnus turns around, his face wearing a curious expression at Alec’s pause.</p><p> “I- I don’t regret the kiss.” </p><p>Magnus stares at him for a second, and then his mouth widens into a blinding smile. </p><p>“Neither do I.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is for the Shadowhunter Big Bang!! 
> 
> I want to thank my beta [mia](chairmanmeow-and-church.tumblr.com) because she is wonderful and everyone should thank her <3
> 
> [Wonderful art](http://spacealec.tumblr.com/post/146787007962/magnus-please-lay-down-you-look-pale-and) done by [Emm](spacealec.tumblr.com), go check it out!!!

Alec feels like someone punched him. Everywhere. Kicked, hit, slapped- all of his body hurts. 

Except none of it is physical, all this pain. No, it's more emotional, mental, and it’s taking up every part of him. 

He feels all of this searing pain as he sees Jace walk through that portal with _Valentine_ , holding Clary back as she expresses the heartbreak he feels inside. He didn’t show it of course, you can’t have emotions during a battle. During a war. And what Jace just did? It’s the beginning of one. 

As Clary sobbed in his arms, he looks toward Izzy, seeing her face crumble. She didn’t cry either, but from years of seeing her tics and behavior, Alec knows she is on the verge of breaking down. Their brother, his _parabatai,_ had just made the biggest mistake he could possibly have made. Even if it was to save their lives, Alec is still can’t believe it. 

He just holds Clary though, carrying her weight as she shakes. She shakes, and shakes, and shakes, her sobs filling the whole room. He looks down at her, then at Izzy, then at the spot where the portal was. 

For the first time in Alec’s life, he doesn’t have any idea if he can feel his connection to his parabatai.

\---

No one talks as they get back to the Institute. They walk through the front doors, tight-lipped.

When Simon and Clary go to the main room they talk, while Izzy goes off somewhere Alec doesn’t know.Though he is worried about Izzy, he’s still reeling from what just happened and so he doesn’t go to seek her out. Instead, Alec just walks, heading somewhere not crowded and private. He doesn’t even hear any of the other people around him, the other shadowhunters being busy and doing more important tasks. He’s on autopilot. When he rounds a corner into a secluded hallway his walls start breaking, his eyes getting blurry from unshed tears. 

He doesn’t let any them fall, though. He hasn’t cried since he was probably seven? Eight? He doesn’t even remember. No, he just pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and finger, trying to push past the pain that hasn’t gone away. Alec can’t even _think_ about what happened, or else the other shoe will drop. He can’t handle it. He _won’t_ handle it. He doesn’t even have the time to. 

He hears the click of someone’s heels getting closer, and Alec rubs his face over, trying to get rid of any sign of tears or weakness. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath as he hears the person move toward him. Alec recognizes that it’s Magnus the closer he gets, and he turns around to see him turn the corner. 

Magnus stops and looks at Alec. He stares at him with the same worried eyes that he got when Alec gave him the cold shoulder and refused to let Magnus take a look at his wounds. Alec recalls the memory, how cold he was to Magnus when all Magnus was doing was offering his help. Alec saddens at the thought for a brief moment before he snaps out of it with the sound of Magnus’s voice.

“Well, that was a very… peculiar turn of events.” Magnus says with his typical flair. It was toned down though, given the state that Magnus saw Alec in. Alec just looked at the floor, trying to not show any more emotions than he has already today.

But Magnus walks closer to him.

“Alexander.” 

His voice carries to Alec’s ears, soft and filled with concern. He looks up at Magnus again, crossing his arms as he does. Magnus looks up into his eyes with intent. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Alec sighs, leaning against the corridor wall and shakes his head. “Not really.” He sees Magnus’s expression and Alec knows that he’s trying not to show his apprehension at the matter. Alec thinks that Magnus doesn’t want to make the situation worse. He always puts Alec’s feelings first— even when Alec didn’t deserve it.

“Well, then we’ll just have to talk about something else. Although I know you don’t want to hear it. So I’ll just say it once,” Magnus’s voice turns cold. It’s not directed at Alec, but at the person in question. Alec’s heart squeezes a little at that, knowing that Camille had hurt him enough to fill someone like Magnus with such harshness, to put such disdain in his voice. “Whatever I felt for Camille, it’s ancient history. Almost literally.” 

“Yeah, but what she said about you being immortal, she’s right. You watch the people you care about age and die,” Alec says, looking at Magnus with a weight in his chest that finds its way to his eyes. Just the thought of Magnus hurting as much as that has Alec’s stomach churning. Magnus doesn’t deserve any more pain than what he has already gone through. Especially the pain caused by Alec in the last few weeks. “I don’t… Knowing that you would go through agony over my death, I don’t want— I can’t do that to you.” 

Magnus’s expression falters, giving Alec a more vulnerable demeanor. “Alexander, I may be the High Warlock of Brooklyn but, even I can’t see the future.” 

Alec… doesn’t know how to feel about that. He doesn’t want to be hopeful because _anything could happen_. Shadowhunters don’t live that long, except the odd person that lives over 50. He doesn’t want to know how Magnus would react to his death. He doesn’t really want to know. He doesn’t want to cause Magnus anymore pain than he already has. He doesn’t want to add to the list of Magnus’s deceased love ones. 

But Magnus dying? Alec feels his whole body overcome with dread at the thought. Alec doesn’t want to think of Magnus dying. He doesn’t want to picture him lifeless, no magic surrounding him, and his ethereal beauty dimmed. He doesn’t want to picture his skin, a sickly pale tone, not moving. If Magnus were to die Alec wouldn’t know what to do. Magnus is too important to Alec for him to die. Alec doesn’t want to say he loves Magnus— he doesn’t even know what love really feels like. His feelings for Magnus are as close as he can get to love right now. Magnus _dying?_ Alec can’t think about it or he actually might cry right there on the spot. 

Alec doesn’t want to be this negative though. He has a small glimmer of hope, almost the size of his palm, that maybe he will get to grow old with Magnus. He wants to see Magnus smile as much as he did when Alec kissed him. He wants to see Magnus wake up, wants to see him do normal things like put on his makeup or choose his clothes. He wants to see what Magnus looks like when he’s vulnerable, wants to see what he looks like lost in pleasure (preferably an effect caused by Alec). He wants to see the little parts of Magnus that he doesn’t let anyone else see. He wants to be with Magnus, as much as Magnus will allow. 

Alec doesn’t know what to think.

He hears Luke approach them, asking for Magnus to perform the spell to wake Jocelyn, and Alec is glad for the distraction because he can’t stand to be in his own head right now. He follows Magnus and Luke to the main room, where he sees the rest of their little group (except one, Alec thinks dejectedly) surrounding Clary’s mother. He watches Magnus’s magic slip from his elegant hands as he speaks the spell, and he notices Luke grab her as she wakes up. Clary is crying as she hugs her mom, and Luke brings them in for a family hug. 

_So this is what a family is supposed to look like._

Alec pushes the bitter and depressing thought away before it ruins the good moment in front of him. He instead looks at Izzy as her face contorts into a sorrowful smile. He walks over to her and hugs her from the side, squeezing tight as a way of saying 'you still have me'. She looks up at him with a watery smile saying thank you. It breaks his heart to see his sister this way, especially since she doesn’t like to show this side of herself very often, but he just give her a small smile in return while they watch the family in front of them form a tight-knit hug. 

It’s a little while later when everyone went their own ways. Clary and Luke are catching Jocelyn up, and Alec and Izzy discuss what they should tell their parents They’re in Izzy’s room, her sitting on her bed as Alec paces. 

“Look, we know we can’t tell them just yet- if they haven’t already found out. We don’t know what’s going through Jace’s head right now,” Izzy starts.

“That’s the thing, he completely changed when we went after Hodge. Once he got that ring he thought he was evil because Valentine got into his head and started reverting him to his childhood self again. Valentine is what's in his head right now, not Jace. I just wish there was some way to track him, get him back here,” Alec says, calculating in his head. 

Izzy sits there for a second, looking at her brother with a furrowed brow, “Maybe we can track him through his phone?” 

“He threw his phone against a wall after the last time he called Clary. She told me she could hear him throw it in frustration and then the call disconnected.”

Alec continues to pace, trying to come up with a plan. There has to be a way they can bring Jace back.The defeated look in his eyes as he left is what sent Alec crumbling down, and he could feel the failure from Jace practically radiate to him— it broke Alec. Alec hadn’t realized how far he was in his head until he sees Izzy in front of him, looking at him with unease. 

“What about… your parabatai bond?” The hesitation in her voice was noted, almost as if she didn’t want to say it, but Alec’s face just grew solemn. 

“It wouldn’t work. When I did it the first time it weakened our bond. It would be near impossible to try it again without one of us passing out.” 

Izzy is still looking at Alec though because he has a look on his face that means Alec needs to say more. 

“And… well… I can’t sense him. When he went through the portal, it was like the connection just got too weak. It’s not like he died because I would’ve felt that. It’s like the bond is just holding on by a flimsy piece of string. I don’t know why.” 

Alec feels Izzy wrap her arms around him, and for the first time in a long time he lets go. He doesn’t cry, but he breathes out and just slumps over his sister. She seems to understand, just gripping him tighter and supporting him a little bit. Alec hasn’t felt this vulnerable in front of his family in years. The overwhelming feeling is too much. His brain to mouth filter shorts for a second, and all the sadness seeps into his voice as he mumbles into Izzy’s hair. 

“I’m scared, Izzy.” 

She just hugs him even tighter, almost crushing his ribs and waist. Alec is grateful, because it’s the only thing keeping all of him stitched together at this point. He can feel her jaw moving against his chest as she whispers, “I’ve got you, big brother.” 

Alec smiles at that, a meek one, but it’s real and genuine, and Izzy looks up to glimpse at it. He can see the tired but gratefulness in her eyes, the soft, sad smile on her lips, and the love on her face. He honestly doesn’t know what he would do without his sister, sometimes. 

They break apart after a couple of minutes, Izzy’s face set with sleepy determination. “Now, you go and get some sleep okay? We can start fresh tomorrow looking for him.” 

He gives her a soft smile, simply agreeing with her. “Thanks. Goodnight Izzy.” 

“Goodnight, Alec.” 

He walks out of her room and starts to push his bedroom door across the hall open, when he stops.The sudden realization that he needs to talk to Magnus hits him like a freight train. He checks the time on his phone, and swears when he sees how late it actually is. He immediately searches for Magnus, checking the main room where Clary, Luke and Jocelyn had been. He doesn’t see him there, so he goes for the training room. Alec doesn’t know why he goes there next, but surprisingly Magnus is there. He’s looking at Alec’s bow and quiver, and that pauses Alec mid-step. 

It takes him a second before he walks further to Magnus, and Magnus turns around at the sound of footsteps. Alec looks at him again, sees the red in his hair and the velvet suit that Magnus pulls off seamlessly. It baffles Alec, how beautiful he actually is. Alec’s noticed it before, but now it just seems like it’s surrounding him, almost like a glowing monument of exquisiteness impossible to ignore. Alec is always caught off guard by Magnus’s beauty, no matter what’s happening around him. He honestly hopes it doesn’t stop. 

He snaps out of it once he realizes how long he’s been staring. His cheeks got redder the more he tries to fight it, and he hates his body for reacting like this around Magnus. 

“Um, hey,” Alec says, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. “So, I know that we need to talk. But I know that you’re tired, and I’m tired because it’s been a long day. Would it be okay if we talked tomorrow?” 

Magnus nods his head. “That sounds good.” 

“How about I meet you at your loft around four?” 

Magnus grins at that, agreeing with him. “I can do four.”

“Great.” Alec says, standing there awkwardly, flashing his gaze from Magnus’s eyes to his lips. He wants to kiss them again, but right now he can’t— it doesn’t feel right to. So instead, he stand there, not really knowing what to say. They both stand there for minutes, the awkward tension filling the room, and he’s grateful when Magnus speaks. 

“Well, I guess that’s my cue to leave. It was nice seeing you, Alexander,” Magnus says, bowing a little in a gracious flair. It makes Alec think of the time they had drinks on their almost-first date, and Alec grins. He wishes things were as easy now as they were then.

“It was, um, nice seeing you too Magnus,” Alec says, and he watches Magnus conjure up a portal. 

As Magnus is begins to leave, Alec remembers what Magnus had said earlier. “Magnus, wait-” Magnus turns around, his face wearing a curious expression at Alec’s pause.

“I- I don’t regret the kiss.” 

Magnus stares at him for a second, and then his mouth widens into a blinding smile. 

“Neither do I.” 

Magnus beams at him some more before he shakes himself out of the trance, like he remembers where they are and how much is weighing on their relationship. It tugs at Alec’s heartstrings, that they’ve gone back to this awkward _thing_ again, but he doesn’t know how to make it better.

Magnus smiles once again, before turning on his heels towards the portal he made. Alec can’t help but grin. Grinning because he doesn’t regret it, grinning because it’s Magnus, grinning because for once he believes he made the right decision. Alec takes a moment to immerse himself in that feeling, but then reality- and his drooping eyes- catch up to him. 

After Magnus leaves, he walks back to his room, noticing how tired he actually is. His feet are sluggish, his bones almost hurting from what’s happened today. Alec needs some well deserved sleep, and that’s exactly what happens when he plops on his bed, asleep in an instant. The last thing he thinks of is Magnus, and the way his lips felt against Magnus’s, and it’s the first thing he dreams about, too/

\--

Alec has always cherished the feeling of waking up, the spare moments of the morning. It’s sort of a haze, where life has stopped for a second. It gives him a chance to breathe, a chance where he can just be himself. No institute, no weighing responsibilities on his shoulders, no problems he has to face. It’s like living a dream in the real world, before the real world actually takes over. He just sinks more into his bed, and breathes in. 

Alec wakes up just like this, slow and steady, feeling content as he drowns in his covers. It’s serene, and Alec can feel like _Alec,_ and not like Alexander Lightwood, the Disappointment. 

He slowly opens his eyes when he knows he’s been in bed for a minute too long, and sighs. Every little issue that has come up in the last day sinks in. Every problem that he has, Jace, Magnus, his parents, and the cup. The weight is dropped back onto his shoulders, and Alec rolls them as if it might help relieve some of the tension. 

He inches out of bed, a foot, a leg, and the rest of his body following before he gets ready in the morning. It isn’t too long after he goes through his morning routine before he’s lacing his boots, and a knock is at the door. Izzy comes in then, knowing her own brother’s routine since they were thirteen and knowing that he is already ready to go. Alec doesn’t dwell on how predictable he can be. 

“Since we haven’t told mom and dad yet they aren’t in the main room, but I can get them down there before they get back to Idris,” Izzy says, with as much excitement in her voice as someone would have at a funeral. 

“It’s okay, I’ll call them down. Let me just get my jacket and then we can go.” He stands, looking at Izzy sluggishly. He knew that he was going to have to do this at one point, he might as well get it over with. 

They both exit Alec’s room, Izzy going to the directory while Alec heads to his dad’s office. All he can hear is the sound of his feet matching his heartbeat, the drumming getting louder. 

As he finally gets to the door, he stares at it for a second. He wonders if it’s really worth it to tell them, or if it would just be better to do this with Izzy and the help of some of the institute (and Luke’s pack probably, if Alec was betting). He really starts to think if they would want to hear their last son disappointing them. The ‘golden child’, finally messing up. He knows that they will be furious, and he also knows that it will be directed at him or Izzy for the duration of the search (and let’s face it, a little bit after as well.) On the other hand? If they didn’t find out from him and Izzy, and found out from someone else out when they’re in Idris? They will storm in, guns, or rather blades, wielding and then yell at the group of people who never told them. Alec sees which one would be worse, but he’s wondering if they deserve to know, after all they’ve done. 

He shakes his head and pushes all thoughts away, wiping a hand over his face. He knocks on the door, his heart getting more restless. He’s most likely overreacting, but he hikes through the tension anyway. He hears a muffled ‘come in’, and now all he can do is walk one foot in front of the other. 

He opens the door to see his mother and father conversing quietly until they look at Alec. He notices how their postures change, his dad keeping the face he had before, but his mom goes rigid, still holding onto bitterness and resentment from the wedding. 

“Yes, Alec?” Robert asks, and Alec looks between the two of them for a second before beginning. 

“Yesterday after the wedding we got a trail on Hodge. As you know we took him in. Jace… didn’t make it back. He… he went with Valentine.” After Alec says it outloud, confirms it, his whole body runs cold for a second. He focuses on his parents’ reactions instead of his own—the fear of over analyzing his own reaction prominent.Their eyes almost pop out of their heads, their brows furrowed and they stand up immediately. They start to form the sentences filled with rage as they open their mouths, but Alec cuts them off before they can start. 

“We don’t know where they went. Izzy and I along with some others are going to form a plan this morning to track him down. We will be in the main room- if you don’t come I will assume you will have traveled back to Idris and given us permission to go ahead with this mission.” His tone comes out harsh, and he winces at it. Alec guesses that he isn’t the only one holding resentment after yesterday, either. 

“Why did you not tell us this last night? It is your duty to tell the _head of the institute_ something as highly important as this,” Maryse says, the animosity toward Alec completely evident. 

“We decided that it would be best to tell you today, because anyone with no sleep would be no use for tracking. We need all the manpower we can get, and that includes you as well.” He bores his eyes into his mother’s in a daring sort, silently provoking her with a look like ‘do you really care about your son enough to search for him?’ 

She just squints her eyes, staring at Alec for a beat too long. The cough from Robert has them jumping out of their trance, and he looks at Maryse with a dignified expression. She turns back toward Alec, and he starts talking to them again.

“I will be in the directory with everyone else. You can find us there if you decide to help.” And with that, he turns on his heel and almost runs out the door. 

He hears the bickering between his parents as he walks down the hall, but Alec is not paying attention because he is trying to get his breathing under control. He’s not used to acting like that to his parents, despite the fact that he did it yesterday at the wedding. To almost felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. 

He sees everyone as he steps into the room, and they all look at him when he enters. Izzy has her arms crossed, a concentrated and determined look on her face. “Are they coming?” 

“I told them that they could come or they go to Idris, and if they went then they ‘gave’ us permission to run the mission. It’s up to them, now.” 

Izzy snorts, mumbling something under her breath that he couldn’t make out, and he turns to the rest of the group, consisting of Simon, Luke, Jocelyn, Clary, and Izzy. He turns toward Jocelyn. “I take it that you’re caught up on everything?”

“I am, Clary and Luke told me last night.” She says, and Clary makes a pouty face. 

“You _should_ be resting,” Clary mutters, and Jocelyn shakes her head. 

“I cannot just sit around while my son is with Valentine, Clarissa.” She says with the mom patented voice that he knows well. Clary just bristles and then drops her shoulders a little. 

“While we need everyone we can have, are you sure that you can do this?” Alec says, and it sounds like he’s undermining her, but Jocelyn doesn’t take it that way for which Alec is grateful. She nods her head at his question, and he stands straighter. It’s time, he thinks. 

“Alright, so after Jace went with Valentine through the portal, it’s going to be hard to track him. He has no phone, and our parabatai bond is too weak right now to track that way. We need to try to find a different way to track him.“ He looks at everyone, silently taking it in what he had just said. 

Clary is the first to speak up, “I remember something about water. Jace was talking about how he found some lead as to where Valentine was, and he called me to warn us about Valentine coming. Maybe he’s somewhere near the docks?” 

“Yeah but which one? There’s over two hundred docks surrounding New York,” Simon interjects, and Alec speaks up again. 

“We can rule out any that aren’t near the Institute. I think it’s going to be somewhere where Hodge was, so-” Alec stops, bringing up a map on the table and zooming in around the location. “-anywhere around here is going to be the place.” 

“It’s not near Jade Wolf, we would have known.” Luke adds, and Alec x’s out the port near Jade Wolf. 

“That leaves about five.” 

“We should split up to cover more ground. If we find something, don’t go looking just yet until we have a for sure plan. Instead call Alec or me,” Izzy declares, looking at her brother. He nods, and everyone goes in pairs. 

“Izzy and I will take this port, Luke, Simon, why don’t you guys take the dock next to it. Clary, Jocleyn, take the one that’s furthest out and work your way in. If we don’t find anything we can meet here.” Alec points, and they all nod in agreement. 

The shadowhunters leave to get weapons while Simon and Luke go ahead and start routing. 

Alec, while usually in control for most (if not, all) missions, has never felt this anxious and tense in his life. 

\---

Alec should have expected this. He really should have, because his life always wants to kick him in every single way possible while he’s down. He should have been more prepared. Should have been more careful. 

He thinks back to how it all started. He and Izzy went to the dock, checking the perimeter and looking for any signs of shadowhunters and or demons alike. They checked the boats, the shipments, and the cargo. The dock they checked was the one nearest to the institute.

It actually was, in fact, the dock that Valentine left from, with Jace and the cup. 

Alec figured it out when he heard a scraping sound against the metal. He kept hearing it, until it got close enough to strike. Alec immediately turned around to slash at the demon. It jumped onto one of the cargo containers, and Alec got a good look at it. It’s a slimy, sticky green and has scales covering its body. Alec thought that there’s a head on top of the body, but he can’t be sure because all it is fins and eyes. He saw the claws that are coming out of it’s odd shaped hands. And then Alec trailed his eyes down to the thing it tried to attack Alec with. 

It had a razor sharp, bladed tail. 

Alec yelled for Izzy, but the demon tried to slice at him again, only for Alec to slide sideways to miss it. It jumped down, going for Alec, and Alec tried to hack at his scaly body. It crouched, swiping at Alec again and he almost severed the tail from the demon, but the demon pulled back from him too quickly. He yelled for Izzy again, this time louder, and the demon changed from his position of offence to defense. Alec went in for the kill then, and Izzy finally ran in, her whip ready. 

The demon swung his tail again, aiming it at Alec, and Alec finally chopped the tail off. That was his first mistake. 

He saw the end of the tail fall, and the demon squeak out a cacophonous sound, so loud that he almost covered his ears. Izzy also winced, and the distraction held them a second too long as the demon swiped his tail at both of them. It took a second for Alec until he saw the sharp tail on the ground, and two more in its place. _The monster had two tails._

Alec yelled at Izzy when the tail almost hit her. “Look out Izzy!” 

She jumped back in record time, and looked at the monster with wide, unbelieving eyes for a split second. She then got her posture back under control, and lashed her whip at the demon. 

As the demon wheeled his attention onto his sister, Alec went to injure the it on its side (or back? It didn’t really matter at that point). 

His seraph blade goes into the scales, and the demon jumps, shaking around the blade for an instant until Alec pulled the blade out. 

This was his second mistake. 

The demon turned around, seizing its hold on Alec and one of its claws caught on Alec’s skin. It burned, but not enough for Alec to stop- and he didn’t. He just stabbed the demon again, trying to find a weak spot. One of them lost their footing, he couldn’t really tell who, and that sent them tumbling down, trying to beat each other. They rolled, and Alec got slime on half of his body (he really, really hopes that none of its poisonous) and the monster caught the side of Alec’s face with its claws- and that scratch? It _stung._

When he grabbed at one of the fins it cries out, and Alec realized that the fins are the monster’s weakness. 

“Izzy! Aim for one of the fins!” 

The demon seems to react to his outburst.

“I can’t! You’re too close to them!” Izzy screams, and Alec catches the demon once again on one of his feet. It brought the demon floundering and then falling down, and he dug the seraph blade in deep until only the hilt of the blade is showing. It’s literally pinned into the ground. 

This was his third, and last mistake. 

He yelled at Izzy, “Now Iz!”

The whip went flying, but they both forgot about the tails. 

One sliced Alec on the back as Izzy wraps her whip around a fin, yanking it until its unhinged, and then torn off completely. 

He doesn’t register much after that. He felt like he was floating, his eyes going blurry. The ground moved from side to side, and the demon fidgeted under him. He started to see stars, and his head was suddenly pounding against his skull. He clutched at his head, stumbling until he hit the ground. He couldn’t feel anything from his left shoulder and down, and he wondered if the screaming that his ears are hearing are from him or Izzy.

Now, Alec is lying on the ground, the excruciating, agonizing pain taking up most of his mental capacity. He hears Izzy talking to him frantically, telling him that he needs to move so they can go get him help. He doesn’t think he can even stand up, let alone go anywhere. 

His head is torture, there is a firing numbness spreading throughout his body, and he thinks that this is how he will die. Alec is dying, and the only thought that comes to mind is how he will miss talking to Magnus this afternoon. 

He tries to open his eyes, fighting against unconsciousness, and he sees a pair of black heels and shimmery pants come toward him.

The last thing he remembers is a bright, intense purple, a smooth and gentle hand lifting him up, and the rest goes black.


	2. Chapter 2

Magnus portals back to his loft having just come from a client’s home, and boy was that a nightmare to sit through. The two hours of an infuriating negotiation almost had Magnus tearing out his hair by the end of it, but he was glad to be back to his loft, feeling anxious but giddy. Anxious, because of the talk that he and Alexander had to unfortunately, but understandably, go through, and giddy because _he gets to see Alexander._ Even if Alec does call off this relationship, for lack of a better word, Magnus still cherishes the moments that he gets to see Alexander. Even if they are limited.

Once he feeds Chairman Meow, watching him as he shuffles by because he heard his food, he goes to his bedroom and rids himself of the blood-stained pants. He really could not stand his last client, vowing that they be cut off from his clientele. 

He realizes then, that he has too much energy. An excessive amount, actually. He hasn’t felt like this in ages, and he forgot how to get rid of this energy that has his heartbeat pounding at a fleeting pace. He checks the time, and sighs when it’s only twelve. 

Magnus is grateful for the phone ringing and he rushes to pick it up, not glancing at the caller ID.

“Magnus Bane speaking.” 

“Magnus you have to portal here, Alec is hurt. We are at the railroad dock near Brooklyn, please hurry!” Izzy rushes, the panic setting in her voice.

Magnus can feel his blood run cold. He Immediately snaps up a portal. 

When he gets there, he sees them- Alec lying on the ground, his arms covering his face as he groans out in agony, and Izzy tries to hold him up. It stops Magnus for a second, all the dread, all the anguish seeping into his bones as he goes into panic mode. 

He sprints to them, yelling out Alec’s name as he goes limp in Izzy’s arms. He checks for a pulse, and immediately looks up at Izzy. “What happened?” 

“I- we- we were fighting a demon and it had a blade for a tail and it sliced Alec’s back as we killed it and Magnus please-” 

Magnus interrupts her with a hand, indicating her to help him pick Alec up. They both grab his sides under his arms, dragging him toward the portal. It’s risky, but all Magnus cares about is that Alec needs to be _safe and alive._

“It looks like he was poisoned. Isabelle, describe the demon that attacked you.” He says with a stern voice that doesn’t at all reflect the fear in his chest. 

They set Alec down on the couch so Magnus can conjure a table for them to place him on. 

“It was green, with fins on his head. It head a sharp bladed tail, and if you cut it two more grew back. It had scales, um, and webbed claws?” She guesses, helping Magnus move Alec onto his back. 

“You guys ran into an aquenos demon, nasty little things. They never come above the water, which means that Valentine probably controlled it. The extract for the cure requires… “ he flicks through his potions book that he has improved over the years, almost ripping the pages out he’s turning them so fast. He finds it, seeing the ingredients. 

“I need you to help me, but all I need you to do is stir. I can’t do it by magic, and I don’t have enough time to stir it myself or I would.” he says, already gathering the materials with the thought _Alec please don’t die, please, please don’t die_ running through his head. 

He gathers everything he needs, delving into the preparing and mixing.

Eventually, Magnus adds the final ingredient, a flame going off over the potion. He hands Isabelle the mortar bowl and the mixer, going to Alexander to get ready. He looks deathly pale— it was only a matter of time before this wouldn’t work. 

Magnus shakes his head, ridding himself of those thoughts because Alexander isn’t going to die on this table. He will make sure of it. 

He moves around Isabelle to get the incantation he needs and then goes to back towards her, seeing the ingredients mashed and ready. “Isabelle, it’s ready, hand it to me.” He rushes, sticking his hand out for the bowl. 

Magnus goes to the side where Alec is poisoned, wincing at the skin surrounding the gash. It’s dark, the veins turning a murky purple, and Magnus hopes that it hasn’t gotten to his heart yet. He leans closer, grabbing the concoction in his hand and balling it up as much as possible. 

“This might hurt a little bit,” he whispers to Alec as if he was coherent enough to hear him, and then grinds the mix into the wound. 

Alec’s body twitches at the burn that comes with it. Magnus begins to chant, “ _Et hoc corpus exuere corpore virus projiciente daemoni venit._ ” 

He repeats this, sending sharp blue sparks into the most infected parts of Alec’s body. He begins to thrash against the immediate burning awareness spreading across every part of his skin. 

“Izzy! I need you to hold him down!” Magnus yells, and she leans over him to hold her brother’s lashing legs down as her face grows more distressed. Magnus chants the incantation again, and he conjures almost all of his magic to pulse through Alec’s body, ridding him of the poison. The effort that it takes almost has him passing out, but he sees the darkness in Alec’s veins start to withdraw, and Magnus needs to use just a little more before the poison comes out completely. 

He brings his hands to the open wound, focusing his magic on the poison only, almost sucking it out of Alec’s body. 

The veins begin to regain their normal color, and it isn’t long before the poison depleted. Alec slumps down against the table, his clothes damp with sweat from the burning all through his skin. 

Magnus has the floating liquid forming into a ball as his eyes flutter from consciousness, and sends it to Hell where it belongs. 

After that, Magnus leans against the table that Alec is laid on, his whole body shaking as he fights off the amplifying urge to sleep for maybe five minutes or ten hours. He faintly hears Isabelle calling for him, and he breathes deeply through his body as he tries to regain control. 

“Magnus, please, lay down. You look pale and almost as bad as Alec did. Please, just sit down for a second,” Izzy says, grabbing Magnus and throwing his arm over her shoulder. She guides him to the closest chair, and he falls into it ungracefully. She makes sure that he isn’t going to exert himself anymore before going to Alec again, checking his body. Magnus struggles to hear her through his booming heartbeat, but the words he makes out are enough to put a tired smile on his face. “He looks alright, his skin is almost back to normal. I’m going to draw an iratze on him because there is still a long cut, but he should be fine.” 

“Let me just-” Magnus says as he tries to stand up, his vision fleeting. 

Izzy turns to him, a fierce look in her eyes as she protests, “No, Magnus. You need to lay down and rest after that. I don’t want Alec to wake up and kill me because I let you get hurt.” 

Magnus chuckles a that. Alec would be like that, worrying over others even though he’s the one more severely injured. 

His thoughts of Alec come to a halt, his head pounding. He holds on to the back of the chair to stabilize his dizziness, and he closes his eyes for a second to retrieve some sense of control. After a couple of minutes, Magnus opens his eyes to a less disoriented state, and he drags the chair across the floor to seat it next to Alec. He sends Izzy a reassuring smile, and plants himself into the seat. 

“I’m going to go call Clary and Luke, tell them what happened. If I come back to see you standing up again and using your magic I will slip sleeping pills into your water.” She grins, and Magnus didn’t even notice that she got him water until he looks at it sitting on the table. He returns the grin after he looks back at her, and she steps out of the room. 

Magnus sighs, searching Alec’s body for any other injuries and checking his pulse to see if he really is alright. Izzy’s words reverberate in his head, and he suddenly realizes just how much that took a toll on him. He leans forward onto the table, hesitantly reaching for Alec’s hand and carding it through his. Magnus breathes out a sigh of relief to feel the faint heartbeat through Alec’s hand because Alec is alive and breathing.Then, Magnus feels the wave of heaviness wash over him. He just stays like this though, his hands in Alec’s, waiting for Alec to wake up. Magnus doesn’t realize he is drifting off to sleep from exhaustion until his head hits the table gently, his body finally slipping into unconsciousness.

\---

Izzy finds him like that after she informs the others, knocked out and holding Alec’s hand. She worries about the position Magnus is in, but she doesn’t wake him up because he drained himself saving Alec, and she knows he needs the rest. Instead, she just smiles and walks over to Alec, giving him a small kiss on his forehead and whispering ‘love you’. She writes a note of where she’s going, and he leaves the apartment (for a short time, of course. She wouldn’t dare leave her brother after what just happened) and to go see the others, knowing her brother is in good hands. 

\---

Magnus wakes up, an aching pain in his neck, and a warmth surrounding his hand. He opens his eyes slowly, not really feeling well rested, but he makes a mental check of his body and everything seems okay. He sits up and checks on Alexander, breathing normally and still unconscious. Magnus then focuses on their linked hands, smiling lazily. Magnus wants to capture the fleeting moment, before it’s ripped away from them. 

After awhile though he reluctantly untangles their fingers, and brings his hands around his neck to work out the kink there, testing out his magic. He’s still regaining some of his strength, but for the most part he’s back to normal, for which Magnus is grateful. 

He stands up and stretches, going for his phone to see what time it is. He sighs at how long he has slept, which was a little over ten hours. And Alec hasn’t even woken up yet, but that is to be expected because being poisoned does take a toll. 

He walks over to the counter, sees the note that Isabelle left for him and then snaps himself some coffee. 

He looks at Alec as he takes a sip, and he winces. That table cannot be comfortable. He replaces the table with a bed, a simple king with blue sheets. 

Then he just… looks. 

There’s no sign of him being poisoned, except for maybe a slight scar that will go away in about a month. His back is covered in runes, some black, red and just scarred and slightly raised skin. Magnus has never really paid attention to any of his runes before (except the one placed at the most advantageous spot on his neck), but now there they are, out in the open. He lingers on each one he sees, the slight raised skin capturing him in, until his eyes travel to Alec’s face. He feels a little bit guilty at this point, but Alec is so captivating that Magnus can’t stop looking. Magnus can’t even find it in himself to be annoyed by it either, really just wanting to soak it all in before it’s too late. 

His eyes fall downcast, taking another sip of his burning coffee to just feel something other than his anxious heart. He hasn’t had this level of anxiety in forty, fifty years, and he remembers why he doesn’t like dealing with it. It’s threatening to tear his mind apart, if he really and truly delves into his anger and frustration and sadness. 

He can’t help but over think, over analyze. Will Alec tell him that it was great and all, but I can’t be with you? Will he tell him that he doesn’t want to be with Magnus because he’s immortal? Will he say it was all a mistake and run back to his parents?

Will Alec tell him yes to this? Yes to trying?

Magnus grips his mug in frustration, picking his phone up to call Isabelle because he needs to get out of his head. 

It rings once, twice, three times before she finally picks up. 

“Magnus? Is everything okay?” She asks. 

“Yes my dear, I was just calling to let you know that I’m awake. I saw your note as well.” He looks at Alec again blankly as he talks. 

“Oh yes. I came by a few times, but you’ve been asleep and I didn’t want to wake you. Some of the others wanted to come by, if you can do that?” 

“Oh of course, tell them they’re welcome. Alec is still asleep though, I’m afraid.” Magnus glances at his eyes, to see them flutter. 

His heart stops. 

“... be by in a little bit. Magnus?” He faintly hears, but he isn’t paying attention. Alec’s eyes are moving under his eyelids- the first movement he’s made besides breathing. 

“Um, yeah. Okay.” He hangs up, knowing that he was being rude but he instead goes to Alec and searches his face for any more signs of him waking up. 

“Alexander?” Magnus tries. His eyes are still moving under his eyelids, but nothing else is happening. Magnus thinks that he is probably dreaming, which is still a good sign because it means he is closer to waking up. 

He sighs again, snapping his coffee in his hand and taking another sip. He watches Alec’s eyes roam, and chuckles. “You must be having a pretty wild dream, Alexander.” He goes around to sit in his chair again, leaning back. 

“You know, I had a great dream last night as well,” he starts, and Magnus diminishes any thoughts of him telling him he's crazy for talking to someone who’s unconscious. “I dreamt that we were here. You were just sitting on the couch, watching tv. You turned to me to laugh at something it said, face so bright and open. You looked like the sun shining down when you laughed.” 

Magnus sets his coffee mug down, bringing his hands together in his lap and fidgeting with the rings on his fingers. “And then you turned to look at me with that smile, the smile you gave me the first time we met. You looked so… happy.” 

Magnus realizes that his voice has a melancholy tone to it, and he more says this to himself than to Alec. “I woke up with that smile in my mind. I was waiting all day to see it, even if you don’t normally smile at me when we talk.” 

He looks up from his lap then, focused on Alexander. He even stands, going to brush the shadowhunter’s hair gently from his face. 

“I just want you to be happy, Alexander. That’s all I ask of you. Whether it be with me,” and Magnus senses the pang in his heart at this, “or without… I just want you to be happy.” 

He gazes at Alec for a second longer before he stands straight. It’s finally time to get ready for the shadowhunters and the vampire, he supposes.


	3. Chapter 3

Alec wakes up, dazed and confused. 

The last thing he remembers is Izzy ripping the demon’s head off— and what a nasty sight that was— and then pain. The last thing he remembers is pain tearing in his back, and then it was all pain, pain, _pain._ It didn’t stop, he collapsed at the weight of it searing through his body. 

He’s pretty sure he shouldn’t be alive right now. 

When Alec opens his eyes they’re blurry, only seeing a little bit of light and maybe some flashes of color. Then, he starts to mentally check each body part to see if anything is broken or sprained. He doesn’t notice anything out of place, and when his vision clears he sits up. His muscles are sore, and he winces at the slight pain, but it’s nothing he couldn’t handle. 

He recognizes Magnus’s loft, and wonders how he got here of all places. He moves and feels a bed underneath him move, and really- what happened? 

He hears footsteps walking into the room, and he searches for the source only to find that it’s Magnus. In a brightly colored robe. 

Only the robe. 

It takes all of Alec’s self control to not look anywhere other than Magnus’s makeup-free face; like where his chest peaks out of his robe, or that the robe only cuts off at his thighs, beautifully toned thighs. 

Alec recognizes the state of minor shock that Magnus is in, and watches as it’s replaced by delight. “Alexander, you’re awake.”

“Uh, yeah,” he mumbles, fidgeting a little at the warlock’s gaze on him. His voice is rough, like he hasn’t talked in years and Alec clears his throat before continuing. ”What happened? The last thing I remember…” 

Magnus nods at him, then continues “Ah, yes. If you don’t mind waiting for a moment, I will go change into something a little more appropriate. Then I will answer any of your questions.” 

Alec nods in agreement, watching Magnus retreat back into his bedroom. He tries to keep his eyes somewhere safe, like his hair or his shoulders, but they drop down to the wicked shift of his hips just as Magnus leaves the room.

When Magnus comes back in some gray sweatpants and a maroon v-neck, he is also handing Alec a shirt as well, and Alec looks down to see that he is, in fact, shirtless. How he hadn’t noticed it before was beyond him. 

“Thanks,” Alec mumbles, tugging on the shirt to hide the red splotches starting to form up his chest. 

Magnus beams at him, amused. “My pleasure.” He then conjures up a glass of water, and hands it to Alec. Alec takes it willingly, gulping down almost the entire glass. He hadn’t realized how dry his throat was. 

“So, the question that you asked earlier?” Magnus asks, sitting down in the chair next to the bed.

“Right. I was asking how I got here? The last thing I remember was fighting a demon, and then it took a swipe at me?” His voice elevates at the end, as if he’s guessing if his memories were true. 

“Well, it didn’t just take a swipe at you, Alexander. It stabbed you, in the back. Isabelle called me after it happened, and I portalled all of us here. My dear, you were poisoned. She helped me heal you as well,” Magnus explains, and Alec just sits there, the information sinking in. Magnus is wearing an uneasy expression on his face as he watches Alec course through all of this. Alec isn’t wearing any expression though.

“Where’s Izzy?” Alec questions after a beat, a hint of worry in his tone. 

“Ah, well after I healed you she had gone to call the others about what happened. She made sure to keep dropping by- I was asleep at the time. Then the others came by, too. Bunch of fun that was,” he mumbles, raising his eyebrows to indicate how much it fun it wasn’t, “They left about an hour ago. Your sister went with them to grab some food downtown, but she said she would be back soon.” 

“Okay, I- I’m just going to, uh, call her. I’ll be right back.” Alec motions toward the door, and Magnus obliges to him, feeling his gaze burn into his backside. 

Alec walks out of the apartment, standing outside the door. 

Alec pinches this bridge of his nose with his thumb and his finger, silently laughing at how this is his position that he resorts to. Every single time something giant happens, like himself getting poisoned, and all he can do is just stutter through his words and have his awkward demeanor radiate through a five-mile radius of where he stands. 

He stays in his head for a few more minutes, just processing all of the information that was thrown toward him. He couldn’t blame anyone for it though because it’s his life. This is normal for him. 

He pushes his thoughts aside to actually call his sister, and it rings a couple of times before she picks up. 

“Alec?” She asks in disbelief. 

“Hey Izzy.” He responds, running his hand over his neck. 

“Oh my god, are you okay? Do I need to come over right now?” She rushes, and he can hear her already trying to leave from where she is. 

“No no, Iz, I’m fine. Magnus said that you guys were out eating, so you can come by when you’re done okay?” Alec says, and he knows his sister too well because she doesn’t give up. 

“Are you sure? You’ve been asleep for a day now, I think you might need us to come over.” 

“Izzy, I’m fine. Really. Magnus told me about what happened. I’ll be okay.” 

“... Alright. I’ll be by later, but only because you said so. Don’t think that you’re going to get away from me though, I’ll be the biggest mother hen, I swear.” 

Alec chuckles at his sister as he shakes his head. He loves her, he really does. 

“How is Magnus?” She asks then. 

“He’s fine. Why?” 

“He didn’t tell you? He passed out after he healed you. He put everything in the spell just so he could get the poison out. Almost looked as pale as you did. After he healed you I told him to sit down, and he was out like a light.” 

Alec’s frown keeps growing at his sister’s words. He remembers when Magnus healed Luke, how bad he looked then. He could only imagine how much it took him to actually pass out. Suddenly Alec has a hole somewhere deep in his heart, filling with something he couldn’t name. It has guilt and pride and sadness and anger all in one, and he tries to placate his emotions before they got out of hand. Magnus had drained himself trying to save Alec. Even during what was happening between them, he still saved Alec. 

“...Alec?” Izzy asks, and Alec is disrupted from his train of thought.

“Sorry, what did you say, Iz?” 

“I said that we will come over sometime tonight, and that you should go talk to Magnus,” she says, a knowing tone in her voice. 

“Oh, yeah. Right, I will see you soon Iz. Love you,” he tells her, and she replies the same before they hang up. 

Alec hits his head against the door behind him. Every little thing that has lead up to his moment swirls into his mind. Valentine, the cup, Jace. God, he still doesn’t know where to start with him. Not to mention the man on the other side of this door. This infuriating, glorious, beautiful man. One who has given everything to Alec after he treated him terribly. Alec knows that Magnus would do anything for him, has stated it many times, but Alec still doesn’t understand why. Why, of all people, was it him?

_‘You watch the ones you love age and die.’_

Alec is a testament to this. He literally almost died a day ago. He knows that his death would cause Magnus pain. And yet, he still goes on, wanting to kiss him and date him, even go as far to say ‘I love you’ someday. Alec doesn’t understand why. 

Alec runs a hand through his hair, breathing in a deep breath, one that is full of all his worries. He breaths them out, letting go for a second and tries to settle his ever growing anxious thoughts. First thing that he needs to do is to actually talk to Magnus. 

He turns around reluctantly, a calm but unnerving emotion settling in his bones. He turns the doorknob, opening the door and finding Magnus sitting where he was before, a troubled expression on his face. He looks up at Alec and gives him a small grin, one that makes Alec heart stutter at the sight because Magnus is just too beautiful. 

Alec walks over, sitting at the edge of the bed he was in before and looking at Magnus straight on. 

“I— I wanted to thank you. For healing me,” he says, “Izzy told me what happened after you healed me, and I know how much you put in to save me, and I just want to thank you.” 

Magnus again looks surprised, but only for a moment before nodding his head, as if it were the simplest thing to do. “Of course, Alexander. You know I would do anything for you.” 

Alec huffs, standing a little straighter. “But you shouldn’t.” 

Magnus looks appalled at the thought, and opens his mouth to speak but Alec cuts him off. “Magnus, why? Why would you do this for me, be with me, if I’m going to die? The fact that I almost died not even a day ago should say that I’m not- I shouldn’t- I don’t want you to go through the pain of losing me. I’ve caused you enough as it is, you shouldn't- you don’t deserve to go through any more.” 

Alec stops then, his breathing hard as if he’d just run a marathon. He’s pouring everything he has into Magnus’s eyes, trying to have him understand that Alec isn’t worth the pain. The heartbreak. 

But Magnus is just looking at him with a pensive yet fond look. Like no one has said this to him before. It has Alec’s heart beating too fast, the same familiar notion he’d felt before they’d kissed. He glances at Magnus’s lips then, watching them tremble for the tiniest second before speaking. 

“Alexander.” 

The disbelief in Magnus’s voice is evident, and the way he says his name sends a shiver down his spine. All of his emotion was embedded into his voice, the ones that he simply couldn’t put into any other words but Alec’s name. Alec can’t deny that he has goosebumps forming across his skin. 

“I should be thanking you it seems,” Magnus says, and Alec’s brow furrows at the answer.

“What?” 

“You have to know by now that my feelings for you outweigh any pain that might come along?” 

Alec just looks down at his feet, his confusion growing even more. He doesn’t look up until a hand touches his cheek, and Magnus is looking at him with so much bare emotion that Alec shrinks away, even as he grows closer toward it. What a contradiction he is. 

“The fact that you will die someday, or that even I might die before you, is exactly the reason I want to be with you. Darling, I have lived a long life, and I have learned that if I valued my life, then I have to live it. That means being in pain, and being in love, and doing anything that consists of living. And if it means that I get to have you, then I want to cherish the moments we have together while we can. Whether you might die next week or in fifty years, it will not matter because I will have you. Yes, I will be in pain over your death but being with you will make it worth it. You are worth it, Alexander.” 

Alec can’t breathe. His lungs do not want to work with each passing word that Magnus gives him, and the weight of his words has Alec’s heart almost burst. _Magnus wants him._ Magnus is willing to be with him despite his eventual death because Magnus thinks he’s worth it. Alec can’t breathe, can’t think. 

Alec tries and tries to form words, his mouth opening and closing like a fish underwater, and they’re getting closer as he leans into Magnus’s cheek. Their breaths mingling together, and Alec can only think of doing one thing. 

“Can I kiss you?” He whispers, and Magnus lips slowly stretch into a wide, ecstatic smile.

“ _Yes._ ” 

Alec dives in, kissing him with everything that he can’t say with his words. He places his hands on Magnus’s waist to draw him closer, and he feels Magnus slide his hand up into his hair. Alec sighs and falls into it, kissing him with emotion, with passion and Magnus reciprocates it with equal intensity. 

The kiss is everything and nothing like the last one, it alights every single one of Alec’s senses until everything is just Magnus. His soft yet firm hands, their heaving chests pressed together. Alec digs his hands into Magnus’s waist even more until they’re aligned from hip to chest. Alec lets himself feel everything, the way that Magnus sucks slightly at Alec’s top lip, the way his hands travel to his neck, every little detail that he can catch. 

Alec has a sudden surge of confidence, biting at Magnus’s bottom lip and then running his tongue to soothe it over. Magnus invites Alec then, opening the kiss with tongue and teeth, and Alec hums with joy at the fact that he can do this. Alec explores every inch of his mouth, from the taste of toothpaste that lingers to the hungry pull of Magnus’s tongue against his. And then Magnus does a _thing_ with his tongue that sends a warmth through Alec’s body, all the way to his toes and a noise escapes him that Alec didn’t know he could make. 

Magnus reluctantly breaks the kiss to take a breath before following it with another one. This one is slower. Alec moves with him, not wanting to be apart for any reason. They keep it slow though, their breaths calmer than before, but Alec’s heartbeat is still erratic. 

They eventually break apart and press their foreheads together, savoring the moment. Alec is still reeling, still full of overwhelming emotions that shine through as he bring his hands up to Magnus’s, carding them together and bringing them down to their sides. 

“I take it that you want to be with me despite the outlining factors?” Magnus hesitantly asks. 

“I do, yes. I just…” Alec scrunches his face in thought. “I do want to be with you. But the thought that you will still be here when I’m not-” 

Magnus cuts him off gently, “Alec, do you want to be with me?” 

Alec looks into Magnus’s eyes. The warm, whiskey colored eyes staring back at him with a determined look has Alec finalize his thoughts. 

“Yeah, I do.” Alec doesn’t realize that he’s smiling until Magnus matches it, and they probably look like fools but there isn’t anyone around to see. 

“Then why don’t we worry about that right now— when things start to get more serious, and it’s a couple of years down the line then we can sit down and talk about it. The subject of immortality on a first date is rather dreary, don’t you think? After all, I did offer to take things slow.” The amused glint in Magnus eyes has Alec chuckling a little, and he nods. Alec still feels apprehensive about it, but if Magnus is willing to be with him despite it then Alec can do his best to not let his worries rule him. He can give Magnus that, at least. 

“Yeah. I think I remember something about a date?” Alec says, playful as he swings their hands gently. He feels elated, like nothing can happen to him in this moment. He could get addicted to it. 

“Oh, I do believe so. I distinctly remember you asking me out.” The mirth in Magnus’s voice has Alec beaming. 

“I could take you somewhere, if that’s what you really wanted,” Alec replies, and Magnus’s features turn soft. 

“I want to do whatever you want to do, darling. This will be at your pace.” 

Alec feels the heat spread across his cheeks, and the warlock grins at the action. Alec doesn’t think he could ever get used to his smile. 

Alec’s face turns serious then, his eyebrows drawing together. “I also want to apologize, for what I said to you before the wedding. About how you don’t take risks.” 

“You don’t have to apo-” Magnus starts, but Alec cuts him off.

“But I do, Magnus. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I know that this wasn’t- isn’t- a game to you. And you do take risks, you take so many risks. It wasn’t fair of me to say those things to you, and I’m sorry.” He squeezes Magnus’s hands a little, hoping that Magnus understands. 

“What did I do to deserve you?” Magnus asks, more to himself than to Alec. Alec flushes anyway, going in to give him a chaste kiss.

Then- the ring of a buzzer interrupts the moment and they both jump, bumping their heads together. They look at each other then as they rubbed their foreheads, laughing at their actions and just because they can, before Magnus replies with his signature, “Who dares to disturb The High Warlock of Brooklyn?” 

Alec gazes at him with a fond look, something that he hasn’t let himself do. He can’t believe that he is actually allowed to, now. 

“It’s Izzy, Magnus. Let me see my bro.” Alec can tell that she’s smiling, and Magnus conjures blue swirls from his fingers, snapping them to let them in.

They all file in one by one, and though Alec still feels the dull ache in his chest at the missing body that should be here, he smiles at Izzy and gives her a hug. 

“It’s so good to see you, hermano,” she mumbles in his shirt, and Alec squeezes just a little tighter before letting go. 

He’s bombarded by questions (Simon) affectionate responses (Clary) and snark remarks (Izzy) as they try to talk over one another, but as he cards his fingers through Magnus’s, smiling down at him, Alec has never felt more content.


	4. Chapter 4

Alec lets himself rejoice in silence when he hugs Jace for the first time in two weeks. 

It turned out that Jace did have a plan- albeit a dangerous one. Jace wanted to infiltrate Valentine’s closest circle. He gained all the necessary information with each plan that Valentine made, and sent Alec a fire message, telling him the day no one would be on guard so they could come rescue him. Magnus had verified that it actually was Jace’s, and that set everything in motion.

Everything had worked, the shadowhunters, Magnus, and Simon had geared up and set out to the secret hideout where Valentine was, and they followed the layout of Jace’s plan. Everything had worked, except the unanticipated demon attack. They had all nearly escaped until a shax demon caught Jace by the foot- Alec had sliced at it before it could get the rest. Then they were bombarded by a whole flock of them, but they killed every last one. Alec hadn’t felt the connection with his parabatai until they stood back to back, defending one another once again. 

Alec had hugged the life out of him when they made it through, yelling at him to tell his brother and sister about his plan next time he decides to go off the handle. Jace had laughed, although Alec could see through his facade. He wasn’t as alright as he let on. Alec vowed to talk to him about it later because he couldn’t be more happier to finally be reunited with his brother, his parabatai, again. Even though Valentine was still on the loose, Alec took the moment to feel the sense of rightness spread through him. He’s been doing that a lot, lately.

They were at the institute now, everyone surrounding Jace as they asked him all sorts of questions. Alec knows that he likes the attention- especially after not being around any of his family for the two agonizing weeks. When Clary and Jocelyn enter the room though, everyone just trickles away one by one. The air in the room turns tense, an awkward silence filling it. 

Clary breaks it by running up to him and hugging him- also yelling at him like Alec and Izzy had earlier. The fond look that grows on Jace’s face is enough to settle them- they still care for each other despite the whole sibling situation. 

Alec watches as Jocelyn moves closer to them, not really knowing what to do. It’s clear that she wants to hug Jace, but when Clary lets go and Jace turns to Jocelyn his stance goes rigid. 

“Hello, Jace.” 

“Hello… Jocelyn. It’s nice to see you out of your coma.” Jace crosses his arms, more out of habit than a defense tactic, but Alec still worries. 

Next to him, Izzy bumps at his side, and Alec looks down at her. She raises her eyebrow and points her thumb to indicate ‘we should go’, and he nods. He catches Jace’s eye again, tilting his head to the side and pointing to any area where they aren’t at, and Jace nods, a silent indicator that he understands. Magnus follows Alec, and they go to the front exit of the Institute where there is no prying eyes.

“I can’t believe Jace is actually back,” Alec admits, and Magnus just gives him an amused grin. 

“Yes yes, it is a pleasure to have John back. We should all celebrate.” Alec rolls his eyes at the warlock for the name, but he knows that he likes Jace well enough.

“I was actually hoping we could celebrate.” Alec feels his heart stutter and hopes for once it doesn’t find its way to his voice. “Just the two of us?” Alec says, his hands grabbing Magnus’s. Magnus breaks into a surprised smirk, taking Alec’s hands completely.

“Ah bon, mon chou? What did you have in mind?” He flirts, and Alec chuckles at Magnus, just because he can. 

“Well, I remember you telling about a ‘great Ethiopian Place’ that we should visit?” 

“Ah yes, lovely place. They actually have authentic Ethiopian food there, and the dishes are excellent.” 

“Well then how about there? Friday night?” Alec asks, hope instilled into his voice. 

“Alexander, that’s tomorrow. Are you sure?” Magnus asks, and Alec’s heart swells. He honestly can’t handle this man. 

“Of course.” 

“Then Friday night it is. You can come by my loft at eight?” 

“Sounds perfect.” Alec sighs, relief seeping into his bones. His brother is safe and he is finally going on a date with Magnus. 

“Well darling, as much as I hate to leave you, I do think that the demon blood on this,” Magnus looks down to his now ruined shirt,” exquisite shirt has now ruined it, and that a glass of wine and a bubble bath are calling to me. Care to join?” Magnus says cheekily, and Alec can feel his entire face heat up. 

“What, I- oh- I just-” 

“Darling, I was just kidding. Why don’t you rest up, alright? I hear you have big plans tomorrow.” Magnus assures, and Alec nods, chuckling at his boyfriend. _Boyfriend._ Alec is going to have to get use to that. 

“Yeah, I should do that. I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Of course.”

Neither of them move though, standing there gazing at each other. It isn’t until they hear someone walk around the corner is when they are disrupted from their trance- but they paid little attention to whoever it was. Alec watches them as the pass by, and then he looks at Magnus, his eyes dropping to his lips. On impulse he goes in to kiss Magnus again, a chaste but sweet one. Magnus smiles into it, before actually stepping back from Alec. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Alexander.” Magnus says, and he opens the doors to step outside, throwing Alec one last glance. 

Alec watches him leave, and he floats all the way to his room from sheer happiness. He sits on his bed, thinking how there hasn’t been this many consecutive events that were actually good, ever. 

Alec has never felt this giddy before. Jace is back, their family is reunited, they actually have an up on Valentine (thanks to Jace) and he gets to be with Magnus. To actually go on dates with him, to kiss him whenever he feels like it, it’s all so new and exciting that he has adrenaline rushing through his veins, an energy he can’t contain. He feels like he could fight a hundred demons and still run around New York City after (not that he will, by the Angel that would be stupid). Alec is, for the first time in his life, truly happy. 

A knock on his door disrupts his thoughts, followed by Jace coming in. He closes it and leans against the door, grinning at Alec. “Hey.” 

“Hey. How did the talk go with Clary and Jocelyn?” Alec asks, and Jace’s expression scrunches up. 

“It was… interesting. Jocelyn is a very tough woman. Clary is still acting a little weird because of the whole sibling thing, but I am too so I can’t really complain.” He shrugs, crossing his arms again. Defense tactic. 

Alec sighs, leaning his hands against his bed and slumping. “Do you want to talk about what happened on the boat?” 

Jace lets out a reluctant breath, going to sit next to Alec on the bed. His shoulders hunch over, his hands moving in a recurring pattern in his lap. Alec notices that he’s nervous, although Jace would never admit it. Alec can pick up on it though, which means something bad happened. 

“I know that when you went with him you didn’t have a plan, Jace,” Alec confesses, and he sees Jace go more tense. 

“I thought… I thought that if I went with him he wouldn’t hurt you guys. That you’d be okay.” Jace tries, but Alec can see through the white lie.

“Jace.” 

“What do you want me to say, Alec?” He turns to Alec, frustration growing in his scrunched eyebrows and a frown forming. 

“How about the truth?” Alec retorts, moving to copy Jace’s figure. 

Jace just huffs, turning to look down at his hands again. 

“Jace. You can tell me.” Alec says, trying to get Jace to look at him again. 

“I know, it’s just… Valentine told me that I was destined to be like him. That I would become evil. He told me that I would rule beside him like father and son… “ He trails off, sounding defenseless and shameful. 

“Jace,” Alec goes to put his hand on Jace’s shoulder, catching his attention, “Valentine tricked you. That’s what he does. He was trying to get into your head by talking to you like you were a child. Do you remember when you first came to stay with us?” 

Alec sees the wince at the memory. Jace was closed off, a rage-filled and disobedient child. “Do you remember how he treated you when you were just a kid? He was trying to do the same thing again.” 

Jace still doesn’t look convinced, so Alec grips at his shoulder tightly. Jace looks up at him then, a vulnerable expression on his face. “You aren’t him, Jace. You aren’t evil.” 

Jace gives him a sad smile then, directing his eyes at the wall ahead of them. Alec gets it, he doesn’t want to show every emotion. Alec sometimes doesn’t either. 

Alec lets go of Jace, and gets up. “Why don’t you go and rest? By the Angel, you need it.” 

Jace laughs a little then, responding, “Is this your way of telling me that I look bad?” 

“No, I would tell you if you looked bad.” Alec says, a grin breaking out on his face. “Yeah, you look bad. Like, really bad. And maybe you should get in the shower, too. You smell.” 

Jace rolls his eyes at Alec, hitting him in the bicep. “Oh wow, thanks. You’re such a great brother.” 

“Anything to help the ones in need,” Alec smirks at Jace, and Jace just shakes his head at him. 

Jace has his hand on the door knob about to leave before he speaks again, “Hey, we’re sparring tomorrow morning, and if you’re late then I get to show Magnus your baby pictures.” 

Jace ducks at the pillow Alec throws at him, and he leaves the bedroom laughing. Alec just goes to shut the door, but before he can there is a hand blocking it. He looks up to see that it’s Jocelyn. Huh. 

“Hello, Alec.”

“Hello, Jocelyn.” He opens the door a little bit to see her completely, but she doesn’t try to come inside. 

“I just came by to say thank you, for helping Jace,“ she says, glancing toward the direction Jace went, “-and for saving him. No one deserves to be with Valentine, especially him.” 

She looks back at Alec again, and he nods at her. “Of course. He’s my brother, I would do anything for him.” 

She gives him a faint smile then, and nods at him before leaving. Jocelyn is by far the biggest mystery to him by now, Alec thinks. 

He shuts the door, and finally gets ready for bed. His face hurts from smiling too much but he doesn’t care. This is the happiest he’s been in his life. 

As he crawls into bed he grabs his phone to check the time, and he sees that Magnus has texted him. 

I can’t wait for our date. 

There’s a little blushing emoji beside it, and Alec is pretty sure that his face might break from how much he’s grinning. Alec has never put the word ‘cute’ to Magnus, but now he wants to. He responds to the text immediately, and it takes him a little while to find where the emojis are but he does and adds the same one to his text as well. 

Me neither. Goodnight Magnus.

He sets his phone down on the table beside his bed, relaxing into the mattress. He sighs, closing his eyes. This time, even if it’s the last time he can, he’s going to let himself feel happy. He knows that there will be problems tomorrow, and the next day, and the day, month, year after that, but he’s going to take Magnus’s advice in let himself live in the moment. He’s happy. That’s all that matters right now. 

He hears the ding go off on his phone, and turns to see what Magnus sent. 

_Have sweet dreams, darling._

And Alec does. 

\--- 

“I win,” Jace smirks down at Alec, holding a hand out for Alec to grab. Alec does, huffing. “Come on Alec, you’re slacking.” 

“He’s just distracted by his date with Magnus tonight,” Izzy says, a smug look forming. 

“Oh? Alec where are you going?” Jace asks, teasing at him. 

“Nope. We aren’t talking about this,” is all Alec says, grabbing his staff off the ground to spar with Jace again. Jace is ready, stance offensive. He strikes at Alec, but Alec deflects it easily. 

“Oh come on, I need to teach you my skills in flirting and charm,” Jaces says, blocking Alec’s hit to his right, and brings his staff around to swipe at his ankles. Alec jumps, landing on his feet. He goes for Jace’s left thigh, but Jace blocks and steps on Alec’s staff instead. 

“What skills are you talking about? I haven’t seen any.” Alec knocks Jace back, making him almost trip. Izzy snickers, grabbing her staff as well. 

“I hate to agree with Alec. Jace, you have no game.” She immediately strikes at Jace’s face, but he blocks it with ease. 

“I’ll have you know that I have a ton of game, almost better than you, Izzy.” He goes for Izzy’s arm, but she deflects it easily and goes for his right. Alec strikes at the back of Jace’s calf, bringing him down to the floor.

“Yeah, and I’m a virgin.” Izzy smirks as she brings her staff up to his face. “Thanks Alec.” 

“No problem,” Alec says, smiling playfully at his siblings. Jace thumps on the floor, and Alec rolls his eyes as he goes to grab some water. 

“But really, Alec. Is it a nice place? What are you going to wear?” Izzy asks, and Alec coughs around the water he’s swallowing. He blanks, having forgotten about needing to chose an outfit. 

“I don’t know,” he admits, staring down at his sister. She makes a ‘tsk’ sound at him, shaking her head. 

“Oh, this is going to be fun.” 

“What is?” Alec arches an eyebrow at his sister, but she just grins. 

“Helping you pick out your outfit, of course,” she says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. 

“I can dress myself, Iz.” 

“Mi hermano, no you can’t,“ Alec just gives her a dignified look as she continues, “-don’t worry though, I’ll make sure that Magnus loves what you have on. Maybe love it too much and take it off.” 

Alec scoffs, blushing at his sister who is smirking up at him. 

“Just remember to be safe and wear condoms!” Jace yells as he walks out of the training room. 

Alec bumps his head against his staff, trying to remember why he loves his siblings. 

\--

Alec looks at himself in the mirror, Izzy beside him with the biggest grin, proud of her work. “I told you— you look amazing, of course.” 

Alec hums in agreement. His navy blue button down accentuates his muscles and shoulders, but not enough to make him look like one of those mundane football players. His pants fit him well, although they are a little too tight (‘That's a good thing, Alec. Trust me.’) He forgot that he even had these slick shoes, but he actually looks nice. He’s not use to it, and frankly, he’s never thought he could look this well dressed. 

Izzy turns to him, and he does the same as she fixes his collar, opening the top two buttons. She has a huge, proud smile on her face as she does it, and Alec can’t help but give her one back. 

“Thanks, for this.” He whispers, and she looks up at him, a joyful expression spanning her face. 

“Of course. It’s nice to see you happy.” 

Alec feels the heat rising to his face, but he brings her into a tiny hug for a moment. She brings her arms around him and squeezes tight. Alec reciprocates, and then pulls back to look at her once more. 

“I am happy.” 

Izzy’s face turns into a deliriously happy expression, and Alec is glad that Izzy always understands him. 

They hear a knock at the door, then Jace promptly follows in. Alec and Izzy break apart for Jace to come up to Alec and grips at his shoulder for a second. 

“Are you sure you don’t need anything? My smooth pick-up lines? I have this one that is to die for-” 

“No, Jace.” Alec says, exasperated but fond. Jace just shrugs. 

“Alright man, but I won’t say I told you so.” 

“Except you would say that, actually,” Alec rolls his eyes, grabbing his phone and wallet. “I’m leaving now so I don’t have to listen to you.” 

Jace mocks offense, clutching at his heart with a fake pained face. “That hurts, bro.” 

Alec just shakes his head, and he starts walking toward the Institute’s exit. “Are you sure you guys don’t need me tonight?” Alec says before he steps out the door, but Izzy just rolls her eyes before moving him out of the Institute with a gentle push. 

“Go, Alec. We’ll be fine.” 

“Heads up!” Jace throws something and Alec catches it with ease, only to find out it was a condom. He sends his brother the biggest unimpressed look before throwing it back at him. 

He walks out the Institute hearing his siblings bicker, but he takes in a deep breath. Here goes nothing. 

\--   
Alec takes the steps up to Magnus’s loft, heart beating out of his chest. Alec has never felt this nervous before. He’s faced demons before, kissed Magnus in front of the homophobic shadowhunter society (which he still can’t get out of his head), yet his hands are sweaty as he nears Magnus’s door. It’s nerve racking, but he’s also excited. He’s never been on a real date before (drinks with Magnus doesn’t really count), and he doesn’t want to mess anything up with Magnus, but knowing that he actually can date Magnus is something he never thought possible. 

He knocks on Magnus’s door, the panic settling in. 

Magnus opens the door, a shining smile on his face. He eyes Alec from his shoes all the way to his face, his expression morphing into delight. “Well, Alexander, don’t you just look ravishing tonight.” 

Alec’s face goes pink, but does the same to Magnus, looking him up and down. He’s wearing a gray fitted overcoat, patterns shining in a lighter color all around. The shirt he’s wearing under it is a maroon button down, only a few accentuating his neck. He has on gray pants as well, matching the rest of his outfit. 

“You look— good. Really good,” is all Alec says. He mentally hits himself at the lame compliment, but Magnus beams, and Alec matches it. 

“Shall we go, then? I’ve called ahead, and we have reservations for seats,” Magnus says, closing his door and standing next to Alec. 

Alec nods, flushed. “Yeah, but you’re going to have to lead the way.” 

Magnus radiates at Alec, walking down the steps with Alec in tow. He offers Alec his hand, and Alec thinks that nothing could be better at the moment, really, as his own hand twined through Magnus’s.

**Author's Note:**

> so that was it!! if you want to talk to me I am [woodsbane](woodsbane.tumblr.com) on tumblr!!


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